Apple earbuds are scientifically annoying

It's not just me.

Well, it might be just me, but now I have a good reason. Apple earbuds are scientifically annoying.

(I can't claim to be an authority on headphone quality, but I took a few music recording classes in college and I've been a musician since I was nine years old. You can disagree with me; this is an entertainment website.)

In Ear Park

First, an activity. Listen to this frequency sweep with headphones and keep note of the loudest and most piercing frequencies. Got them?

Quick science lesson: human hearing response (perceived loudness of sounds) isn't flat across our hearing range. That means that played at the same volume, we hear different frequencies with different intensity. Like every animal with hearing, we evolved so that certain frequencies jump out at us--a baby crying, someone's scream, a predator.* The evolution of speech also created a need for sensitivity in the treble (high) range, to distinguish consonants like the faint "f" from "s". This is why people with hearing loss, which affects the upper range of hearing, can get frustrated trying to figure out what you're saying.
*This is conjecture, but a pretty convincing one.
The typical peak of human sound perception is around 2000 - 5000 Hz, meaning that a number in that range probably jumped out at you when you listened to the frequency sweep. My loudest frequencies were 2000-4000, 6000-7000, 11k and 13k, but the 6000 range was by far the most piercing for me. Maybe because my ears are small. Keep remembering your numbers, or retake the test.
 
Can you hear me now?

Like our voices, different headphones amplify frequencies differently. A good pair of headphones will boost the frequencies we want to hear but aren't as sensitive to (often bass). This effect will also peak at certain frequencies, and you can graph it.

The people at Rtings.com do an amazing job measuring technical specs of products. I mention this because it's true, but also because I stole the following graph from their overview of the Apple EarPods and I just hope they're okay with it. This graph shows how loudly the earbuds play each frequency. I've also marked in red my perceived loudest frequencies from the sweep test.

Please don't sue me. I have nothing you want.

No wonder they bother me so much. These earbuds peak at almost the exact frequencies that my hearing does. I bet it's pretty similar for you, too.

It's like you went to a Thai restaurant, said "this curry is pretty spicy, I like it" and the waiter overheard you, ran back to the kitchen and threw a bunch of peppers into your dish. Why is Apple giving us more of what we already have?

One Size Fits someone other than me

I don't know about you, but old model or new, I can't get Apple earbuds to stay in my ears without constant adjustments. The slightest pull and they fall out. I can't say much more about this here because it's just a personal variation--either something fits for you or it doesn't, I can't change that. If you're like me and can't wear them, welcome to the club.

Apple earbuds bleed sound, and sound that bleeds is sound you're not hearing. They also don't block any sound of their own. So in an effort to shut out the world, you have to turn up and broadcast your own.

Public disturbance

In Boston, you rarely make it through a commute without hearing someone's music. If the listener has the courtesy to wear headphones, this is sound bleed. Next time, notice what kind of headphones that person is wearing. Repeat offenders are Apple earbuds and Beats headphones (which Apple has owned since 2014).

Because of the earbuds' shape, they don't go into your ear canal at all, instead resting just outside it. Your outer ears are designed to funnel sound into your ear canal, but since the sound originates from the ear canal it works in reverse. The treble you hear is actually being amplified by the listener's ear like a mini-megaphone. You'll notice that if they take out their earbuds while the music is still playing, you can't hear it anymore.

What are my options?

Apple earbuds have a pessimal frequency response and they're uncomfortable--so why are they $30? I think you can guess.

The solution is to find decent earbuds that block some sound. To do that, we can look where the Apple earbuds fall short--frequency response and fit/sound bleed--and find a pair that does both things better.

Good earbuds will help protect your hearing compared to the Apple ones because they won't force you to turn up to drown out other sound. There are tons of pairs of earbuds that'll work great, but I'll write about mine so I don't have to steal another picture from someone's website.

 You can use this one in return, Rtings.

These are made by Klipsch but I believe they're discontinued.

My favorite part about these is the comfort. Apparently the ear canal has an oval-shaped cross section, because these fit way better than any circular ones I've tried. The rubber is soft, too, so adjusting them is painless even in the winter. I was going to include a closeup of my ear with the earbud in it, but I'll spare everyone.

Free samples

The best thing you can do is try on the earbuds before you commit to a purchase. You'll be able to tell if they block out sound because there will be a slight seal as if you're wearing earplugs.

As for what song to test them on, try a range of styles that you actually listen to; if you like hardcore punk and all they have available to test with is top 40, you're not going to get an accurate picture. Here are some of my picks for songs with great, full-sounding mixes that test a wide range of frequencies, ordered by perceived accessibility by your mother:

Acoustic/bluegrass: Alison Krauss - Paper Airplane
Indie: Grizzly Bear - Sleeping Ute
R&B: The Weeknd - Loft Music
Rap: Kanye West - So Appalled
Progressive: The Contortionist - Language I: Intuition
Heavier than that: Loma Prieta - Fly By Night
No, even more: Converge - Dark Horse

If these don't blow you away on your testers, try a new pair.

Epilogue

There is a slightly newer (still discontinued) version of the earbuds I have, and they've been heavily slashed to $30 so now they cost the same as the Apple earbuds. If you're looking for a replacement that doesn't bleed sound--and you should because you're a considerate person--these are made to last.

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